Tuesday, February 2, 2010

It's Just Not In Me

Please tell me I am not the only one that has those doubtful thoughts on a daily basis. Although we have not been regularly going to Sunday night church we have be studying the Fruits of the Spirit right alongside the other children at church. In the beginning I felt this may be an easy breezy lesson for myself...one that hopefully my children would get a lot out of, but certainly not me. Boy was I mistaken! As my kiddos and I have taken each fruit one by one and talked about just exactly what they mean I began to do some reflecting myself. Let's see.

1. Love. I feel pretty good about this one as my cup runneth over with love! Love for my family, friends and many around me! Yay, I've got one on my side!

2. Joy. Well, assuming I get 8 hours of sleep and a nice hot cup of coffee before everyone wakes up, then sure I'm joyful.

3. Peace. Again, this is a tricky one...as long as chores are done, there's been little to no-back talking, no sickness, no unnecessary tears and an extreme amounts of "I love you Mommy's" then yes I am peaceful. BUT...right now my other half isn't home, and without him I don't often feel that complete sense of peace.

4. Kindness. I would have to say I think of myself as a pretty kind person.

5. Goodness. Webster's Dictionary defines goodness as, '(1)the state or quality of being good. (2) moral excellence; virtue. (3) kindly feeling; kindness; generosity. So I suppose, I'm a pretty good person. I sure try to be.

6. Faithful. I am faithful to my God, to my husband and to my family with everything that is in me.

7. Gentleness. Hmmm. Well, my hugs are gentle and when I kiss little boo-boos I promise I'm gentle. However, my words are not always so gentle. I wish I had something funny or something clever to put here, but the truth is, this is where I begin to shake. Moving right along...

8. SELF CONTROL. Ummm...hmmmm...ok...I've got absolutely nothing. It is at this delicious fruit where I realized it is impossible for me to be all these things! Actually, I'm not even good at MOST of these things. What a let down. I am full of imperfections and no matter how many times I remind myself to (a)be calm (b)count to 10 or (c)everyone you deal with is not playing with a full deck, I feel I will never measure up to what sometimes seem like impossible standards.

As always, God's timing is perfect. Because it was after one of these dreadful moments when I opened up my Bible to Galatians for some further insight and it hit me, like a frisbee to the head, I cannot obtain these character traits on my own. It will only be by the grace of God and His Holy Spirit working through me that I may one day be able to have these wonderful qualities. The beauty of it, is all I have to do is ask! Our God is loving, so joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and full of self-control. He will provide. So once again I am reminded that I remain a humble work in progress.

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