Saturday, August 11, 2012

One Ugly Word

Cancer.  Can...cer.   There is just no way to say this word and not feel an instant heaviness.  I've tried to say it quickly, just to get it off my if that would make it better.  I've tried to say it with inflection in my if that would make it sound sexier.  Quickly...quietly...Nonchalantly...Trust me, there is absolutely no way to say without feeling the power and the vast realm of possibilities it holds.

My Mother went in to have a very strange and rapidly growing cyst, as we were told, removed about 4 and a half months ago.  I will never forget her quick and unexpected visit right before her surgery; it was almost as though she knew something was about to happen.  Mike was deployed, the children and I had spent the day at the fair and left the house in a total mess, but when we got home...poof!  Mom was there!  Nothing else mattered aside from the happiness I felt at getting to see her face.  She had only been there 24 hours when her doctor called and said the "mass", as they were now calling it, needed to come as asap and was Wednesday good for her (this was Monday morning).  Although our visit was too short, we said our goodbyes and promised to visit again as soon as Mom was feeling up to it.

Wednesday came and the cyst...turned mass...was soon confirmed to be cancerous tumor and was promptly removed.  As it turned out, my Mother was carrying a 16 inch growth inside her belly.  After the removal and the reassurance that they had taken out (1)everything the tumor had wrapped itself around and (2)biopsied anything else the tumor had touched, we were told the results would be back in about a week.  A WEEK!  Every day felt as though I were walking a plank...just one step closer.  Closer to what?  I wasn't quite sure, other than deep in my gut I knew things would never be the same.

That final plunge came on a Tuesday afternoon.  Sure enough my Mom was diagnosed with clear cell ovarian cancer.  After biopsying the tumor, it turns out the entire thing was a rare and rapidly growing type.  Although the Doctor felt they got the bulk of the cancer, because it is clear cell, the cells are invisible...hence the name.  Because of that, the first course of action is chemotherapy.  Which is where we are now.  I wish we knew more.  I wish we had more facts and statistics to go on, but the fact is that only 6% of those with cancer ever get this type. 

Like with any situation, the future is unknown.  I would be a fool, however, to not admit my fear.  In fact, I'm  not just afraid, I'm terrified.  What's next?  What if this doesn't work?  What if it comes back?  How can we help the most?  The only thing I know for sure, is that God is faithful.  He will give us all the strength we need to get through these tough times.  All these questions and self doubt...they don't come from Him.  As long as we look God he will provide everything we need WHEN we need it the most.

Yet the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen you and set you on a firm foundation 
and guard you from the evil on.
2 Thessalonians 3:3

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