Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Am I Worth It?

I just spent $30 on washing laundry that had been piling up for over a week.  While I would normally be beating myself up over spending the small fortune, I'm finding the steady hum of the dryers oddly comforting.  Yes, I should be prepping dinner and mopping my floors; goodness knows my bathrooms could use a good scrub.  But here I sit...alone at the laundromat with my pen and paper.

It pains me a little to have just spent that money, but it's very true that I have been "out of commission" for about a week.  Those dirty clothes were stacking up just as fast as the dirty dishes. So rather than doing one load at a time continuously for 10 hours straight, I decided to just knock it out. If I look at it like, $30 is a small price to pay to have some peace in my life; maybe even a sense of accomplishment and a temporarily empty hamper.  I'm worth that.

I have really been struggling with my self worth.  I'm sure many of us have at one time or another, but being a stay-at-home-Mom, I am often overtaken with the worries of not being enough.  "I'm not patient enough.  My food isn't good enough.  My house is never going to be clean enough.  I'm not skinny enough...pretty enough."  Those are just a few of the thoughts I have swirling through my head on a daily basis these days.  Right now, I am in the depths of a cesspool that only God can see through.  I'm drowning in my lack of self worth and my lack of value.  Why is it that we are so quick to believe the negative self talk and yet words of affirmation fall on deaf ears?  Why is it that the actions of others press so firmly on our chest that it feels as if it is going to snuff the life right out of us?

The Godly truth is, we are all worth it.  We are worth fighting for.  We deserve to feel loved no matter what our homes look like, meals taste like, and no matter the size of our clothes.  Sometimes others may make you feel worthless and it is during those times we need to cling for dear life to the only one who truly values us.

We are all princesses.  We are the daughters of the one true King and he says I'm worth dying for.

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