You really can't be angry when your children are speaking to you from their heart. You really can't be angry when your children are speaking their truth. Finally, you really can't be angry when your children are speaking their perspective. Did it hurt when my son told me that his father was the fun parent and I was the "maid" parent? It most certainly did. However, I didn't show my hurt nor did I show the anger that soon manifested. Rather...I just listened to him talk and asked questions. Why is Daddy so much fun? Tell me about the fun stuff that Daddy does? Then I agreed with him and told him how blessed he was to have a Dad like Mike. I meant those words from the bottom of my heart. Although my son is misguided in his thinking...tremendously misguided...I can see how he has formed his opinions. Mike goes to work each day and the children never see what he does. When he comes home he is hopelessly devoted to them. All his energy and all his smiles are for them! Me, on the other hand, I live at my job. My job is a 24 hour thing...I never clock out. Since Ethan is now home during the days with me, he sees what my job consists of. I cook, clean, wash clothes, organize and make lists all day long. Unfortunately I can see why I am being labeled as the "maid" parent. Please don't read this and think my son was being disrespectful, because he wasn't. My children don't treat me as their maid and they truly respect me. I think it's obvious he is a tad bit confused in his thought process. We will no doubt address this, but I just couldn't do it tonight. Without even knowing it, he really hurt my heart. I want to be the fun parent. The truth is, we do have fun together, but it's scattered throughout the day. Somehow, it must get lost in their memories. That makes me so sad, as I want my children to grow up remembering how we bake together...paint together...go on scavenger hunts together...NOT that their Mom likes to clean. Ugh! Besides, who really likes to clean? I've decided to come up with some type of schedule where I'm deep cleaning only a portion of my day. Once my time to clean is up, then I will devote the rest of my day to them. Of course picking up will have to be done more often, but if I limit the "heavy lifting" then perhaps my children will see me having fun with them more often than not!!!
Ashley, this must not be the same son that almost cancelled his trip to Gam and Poppy's because he couldn't leave you for that long! It's got to be the youngest, right? The one who cries for the "maid" when he is hurt, etc.
ReplyDeleteI can sure understand how that made you feel! I like your idea of getting the cleaning done and jumping into fun with them. My kids remember the times I walked away from the laundry basket, said, "We'll finish that later," and jumped into their game. Delegating helped me, too -- I gave them some of the work to do, and we did it together.
ReplyDeleteYour response to your son was so insightful and sensitive. Kudos to you!