Words From A Recovering Hypocrite...

I often wonder what I look like through my children's eyes. I know sometimes I resemble Betty Crocker. Other times I may look like Mr. Clean, minus the bald head, and I know there are times I resemble one big hot mess!!! However, those are not that important to me. What I really wonder is if I depict the Godly woman that I strive to portray? I teach my children to pour out your soul to God...that He is big enough to hold it all. He can handle our anger, just as he can handle our tears of joy. Our Creator is not a "fair weather friend." However, with a capital and bold "H" when it comes to me... I try to hold all my anger inside. I only want God to know/see the sweet side of me (yes, I am perfectly aware that God knows all). I only want him to hear my loving, uplifting and praising words. But wait a second...aren't I teaching my children that God is big enough for ANYTHING and EVERYTHING?

This thought occurred to me the other day while I was by myself...am I a hypocrite??? Well...errr...uhhh...yes. Yes, I have been. Whew, I can breathe now. I have officially outed myself. The truth is it wasn't until I was driving along the road pondering an awful situation that my normally "controlled" emotions got the best of me and I started shouting, "I'm so angry with you!" "I don't understand why you do the things you do!" For those of you wondering, yes I am quite sure I looked like a crazy woman to those driving around me. Am I really crazy...that's for another post. Anyhow, so there I was shouting at my Creator. I finally said my peace and then instantly felt ashamed for my lack of respect. But you know what? Immediately following my temper tantrum the song "Healing Begins" by Tenth Avenue North came on. My jaw hit the floor. It is true in the past I have been a tad hypocritical, but my teachings have not been wrong! My God is big enough to handle All emotions...even the raw and ugly ones!

Healing Begins
Tenth Avenue North

So you thought you had to keep this up

All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark