I've been missing my blog.  Although my mind races with thoughts, I have not been able to pause and get a single one down.  I've been second guessing myself and my ability to get my thoughts across.  I want to be upbeat about life and encouraging about all circumstances.  Sometimes, I'm just not feeling it.  Truth be told, sometimes I'm just trying to survive.  Not necessarily because something terrible is currently going on, but because I fall victim to the little voice in my head that tells me I have nothing to offer.  It's true my education is limited; my work experience is modest, but I have lived.  I have many life experiences under my belt.  Right now, past experiences are warning me that life is about to get real.  My daughter's going to be a junior.  My oldest son will be a freshman.  My youngest son is starting middle school and my daughters are entering the 2nd grade.  Our relaxing and carefree summer is about to end and in it's place will be early mornings, full schedules, and tired children.  I'm thankful for the time we've had together.  Although we've still been busy doing things, it seems as though things slowed down just enough for us to appreciate the little things.  Mike and I have taken several trips together.  We are being very intentional with our relationship.  Things have changed and for that I am thankful.  My boys have played basketball, run track, gone to camps.  My oldest has worked, gone to camp, and started studying for her 4 upcoming AP classes.  My littles have gone to their first camps also...gymnastics and winshape.  Their little personalities are showing themselves a little more every day (that can be both good and bad).  I think the most important lesson I will take from this summer is...to be intentional.  Things in life don't just happen; schedules don't just open up and time just doesn't magically appear.  We have to put in some type of effort to make things happen...good or bad.  Personally, I'm striving for the good.

  

Jekyll Island

 

Lord Huron Concert in Athens, GA

 

 New Hampshire

 

Pool Time at Jekyll

  

Folly Beach in South Carolina

  

   

Gam time in South Carolina

 

Guy time at Jekyll Island

 

The tooth fairy came to visit Miss Kaitlyn

 

 This shirt...it's a real possibility.    

 

 

Christian at Mercer Basketball Camp

 

 

Ethan, just doing his thing.

 

All in all, it's been a great summer.

Once Upon A Time

There was once a most handsome young man.  He was a skilled basketball player.  On the court he was calm, decisive, and unafraid.  Off the court he was kind, funny, humble, and had muscles that went on for days.  Their beginning was a simple one.  After ogling him from afar the girl, who had been his cheerleader, decided it was time for them to meet.  Of course she was too shy to just walk up and introduce herself, but not so shy she couldn't recruit the help of a friend to make the introduction.  To her sheer delight the cute guy was also interested.

Their connection was immediate and undeniable.  There were many dates, late night phone calls, and snuggles on the couch.  He was passionate about basketball and his future with the sport.  She was passionate about him.  He wanted 1 maybe 2 children.  She wanted 5.  He loved living up north and all the snow.  She really loved the sunny days of the south.  He wasn't sure what direction he would go after college.  She was sure she wanted to go into the field of psychology.  He was carefree and open to try anything.  She liked to play it safe having some control of potential outcomes.  He was a spender.  She was a saver.  The attraction was impenetrable.

Graduation day came and decisions for the future were imminent.  He decided to join the military.  She...just didn't know what that would mean.  They had fallen in love, but neither knew what was to come of it.  She needed a new car to suit growing needs.  She liked the Focus.  He liked the Taurus. She looked at the affordability.  He looked at the safety.  They decided to test drive them together.  On that ride, the young man looks at the young lady and says, "We should just get married."  With no other thoughts in her mind, the young lady responded with a simple, yet confident "ok."

   * * * * * 

It has been 16 years since I said "ok".  Our romantic journey has had a little bit of everything in it.  It hasn't always been a fairy tale story, but it's our story.  The beauty of relationships is that they're all different and they all have potential.  They have the potential to be whatever we want them to be.  Don't settle and don't give up.  

 The day I said, "ok."

 

The day I said, "I do."

 The day I said, "I will."

  

Always and Never

...two words I try to avoid.

Somewhere a long the way I was taught to avoid thinking in extremes.  Recently that lesson has become more important than ever to me.  I tend to veer in the directions of these "universal quantifiers".  By doing that, I not only limit my thinking, but I unknowingly give myself permission to feel those in extremes.   Life is not only made up of black and white, but of an abundance of colors in between.  However, as with every rule, there will be some exceptions.

Always

1.  Things will always change.  God tells us in Ecclesiastes 3 that there is a season for everything...a time to laugh, a time to cry.  There's a time to grieve, a time to dance.  Based on that scripture alone we know that life changes; jobs, marriage, friendships....  I could go on forever naming them and even then I'm sure there could be more examples that could be added.  Change in and of itself is not a bad thing, but grasping the reality that it is inevitable is absolutely helpful.  Trusting God with your life and constantly holding on to his promises is what will get you through the good times and bad.

2.  Your decisions will always affect those around you.  If an adult decides to skip work for the day...fellow coworkers will probably have to work harder to make up for it.  If a youth decides they'd rather not do their section of a school project...the entire groups will suffer the consequences of that zero.  It doesn't matter what the decision at hand is.  The rewards and/or consequences have a way of trickling to others, whether it's fair or not.

3.  There are always things to be grateful for.  Even in the darkest of days there are things we can choose to be thankful for.  It could be that you're healthy, that your children are healthy.  You could be grateful for the beautiful sunrise or the restful sleep you had.  Our gratitude does not have to be felt over the big things.  For me, it's more often than not over the small, simple things.  No matter what your blessings are, gratitude is always a choice that only you can make.

 4.  There is always hope.  Depending on our age and maturity level, we will all hope for different things.  Whether it is a student hoping for straight A's or an adult hoping for the next promotion, it's there.  Discouragement, pessimism, depression, and anger are all killers of hope.  They are brought forth by the enemy.  Optimism, encouragement, and hope all come from our Savior.  By embracing those thoughts is the same as proclaiming there is no Savior.  He is the one who provides us with hope and because He does exist there will always be hope for you.

It is a light within us that pierces the darkness of doubt and discouragement and taps into the light

(hope) hope of all creation - even the Savior.

John H Groburg.

5.  Always, always forgive.  I have been under the impression for as long as I can remember that forgiveness is a feeling.  If you don't feel it, then you don't give it.  I have been terribly wrong.  Forgiveness is a decision.  It requires very little of us, but the choice to give it is such a wonderful blessing.  It frees us from the snares of anger and bitterness.  It releases us into the freedom of knowing that we are trusting our God.  He knows the pain we experience and every tear that falls from our eyes.  He will deal with any and every *** that comes our way.  His presence changes things.  When we embrace Him and allow him to take over, our love will grow deeper and the anger we feel evaporates and gives way to forgiveness.

Never

1.  Never assume someone knows how you feel.  I am notorious for doing this.  I simply assume Mike knows that I love him...that I respect him.  Regardless if he knows or simply assumes, he needs to hear it from me.  I can not simply assume that my children know how much I love them and how I cherish each one of them.  They need to hear it.  Don't ever let a day go by where you fail to express your emotions.  Whether it's love, appreciations, frustration, or disappointment.

2.  Never get so comfortable that you become complacent.  Complacency happens when we get so accustomed to our routine that we stop growing as people.  We stop working on our marriage.  We stop working on our friendships.  We become too satisfied.  I realize that may sound a bit peculiar, because we want to be satisfied and many of us thrive on routines.  The problem develops when we stop trying to become better people.  We settle with average.  We settle with the, "that's it?" mentality.  Complacency encourages doing the absolute minimum.  There is a time for everything, so this type of mentality may be helpful for a season, but not for a lifestyle.  We need to continue setting goals and reaching them, only to have another goal lined up after that.

3.  Never forget that you too are flawed.  We are all fallible and fantastically human.  We will all make mistakes that we will have to atone for.  The mistakes and bad judgement calls are not so much the problem.  The problem comes in when we begin thinking we are better than those around us. Only after that is when pride settles in.  Our lives are a process.  Through every painful and humiliating decision and every hurtful and heartbreaking interaction, we are growing.  Our mistakes are what help us gain wisdom and craft our lives.  Everything that happens to us, good or bad, provides us with the strength, knowledge, and even confidence to live the life we are meant to live.

4.  Never stop trying to improve yourself.  Every day presents a new opportunity for growth.  Just as the flowers reach for the heaves, we should to.  The closer we get to the Father, the more we will desire to be like Him.  Will we ever be perfect?  Absolutely not.  However, Ephesians 4:25 says that we were created to be more like God, truly righteous and holy.  Not "holier than thou" but honest, committed, and morally pure.

5.  Never give up.  The thought of giving up is one that I have all too often.  I tend to get tunnel vision and am unable to see the big picture which is this, life is precious.  Satan does his very best to convince us that we are worthless and that things/situations/circumstances will never get better.  That is why he is knows as the king of lies.  His primary job is to kill, steal, and destroy.  If we are not careful and allow ourselves to become ensnared in his lies, he will kill our dreams, steal our joy, and destroy our happiness.  As long as there is air in your lungs, do not give up the fight.

The Deception of Grief

There are many many faces to grief.  The most deceiving of them all are the smiles.

There's the smile because I'm celebrating something new.  I am suppose to be happy.  

There's the smile because I'm doing something new.  I am supposed to be happy.

There's the smile you show your family.  I love them and I am supposed to be happy.

There's the smile you display for your friends.  They are wonderful and I am supposed to be happy.

Then there are the smiles that show the deep truth.  Your heart is broken.  Your body is tired.  Your mind is void of any other thought than the deep sadness you feel.

Grief is such a misleading concept.  There is no road map.  There is no real script.  There is no one who really understands it.  It's different for everyone.  Even people facing the same problems experience it differently.

It is amazing how even when our hearts are breaking...we still smile.  Whether it is to keep those around us from hurting, or to keep up the illusion of a happy day; the greatest deception of all the faces, are the smiles.

I wonder how people would respond if after they asked, "Hello, how's everything going?"
You replied with the truth, "It's actually not going well."

Just a thought.

My Fabulous Five

It's 5:15 AM and I'm sitting here guzzling coffee trying to wake up.  I have about 45 minutes until my house comes to life...Mike, then Victoria, Ethan, Christian, and finally the little girls.  These early morning wake ups wear on me by the end of the week, but for now they are 100% necessary.  I always feel as if I'm in a frenzy and grouchy if I sleep in and we're all rushing around simultaneously.  Yep, this is my way of being able to start my day off on the right foot.

Even though it's only Wednesday, it has been a doozy of a week so far.  We've had play off games, band night at the MAC, and tonight we have Fields of Faith.  Coming up are soccer try-outs, band practice, basketball evaluations, and a 2 1/2 hour drive to a band competition on Saturday; not to mention, Mike started a new job this week.  Whew.

With all that being said and my complaints and exhaustion in the book, my kiddos are continuing to make me proud on a daily basis.  Here are just a few pictures that have made me smile lately.

Victoria Lynn, 15 years old and all around awesome!

I love when they're not too big to take a picture with their Momma.

I never paid much attention to the marching band before, but boy was I missing out.  These guys are on point with everything they do.  I wear many hats and an so thankful that one of them is 

band Mom. 

 See that curl?  That proves that she IS my daughter!

I'm not sure who gave this guy permission to shoot up to 5'7", but I am not okay with it.  Ethan is getting more handsome by the day and has learned the value of pushing himself 

beyond what he thought was possible.  He's so much like his Daddy.

As captain of the team, he goes to meet the opposing team before each game.

(Those four are all a great group of boys)

Game on!  

This studly guy has my heart!  He sometimes needs a bit of pushing,

but once he gets it, watch out!

Nice blocking so my cutie (#12) could get the ball down the field!

Annnnnd there he goes!

Just couldn't leave out this super cute picture!

Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn.

I'm afraid that most days this is what I see the most...back bends, cartwheels, hand stands,

She's never right side up!

We got her upright long enough to play some basketball!  That's right, our little girls are continuing the Roy tradition of shooting hoops.  They had to "try out" Thursday night.

The evaluations consisted of jumping, dribbling, and shooting, of course.

Nice form!  I didn't realize until now that she shoots lefty. 

Here we go Addie Pie.  She's very confident in this skill.  We just need to work 

on keeping our eyes facing forward.  She'll get it...piece of cake.

Again, nice form!  The girls were pumped to show Daddy what they had learned to do!

This is just too cute not to share!

There Once Was A Perfect Parent

...and her name was not Ashley.


There are times when things are so close to your heart, it is nearly impossible to keep them in perspective.  As the dynamics around my house keep changing, I often find myself questioning myself.  "What's going on with ... ?  What are the motives behind these behaviors?  What am I missing?  HOW did I miss it? Wait...what the heck is it?!"  Life (and parenting) can be crazy, but there are also those rare and beautiful moments of tranquility and opportunities to just breathe and be thankful.  It is during those unassuming moments of rest in which Satan dances into the picture.  Cue the father of lies.  Suddenly, I find myself ripped from the safety of my "happy place" and thrust into the middle of a hurricane all the while trying to walk the tight rope of parenting.

This is tough.  When my kiddos were small, I remember thinking how strenuous things were; there was little sleep, little alone time, and lots to keep up with.  As my kiddos have grown and multiplied things are different and yet oddly the same.  There is much more sleeping, many more opportunities for personal hobbies, but there are still a million things x5 to keep up with.  Although guiding these little people through life is still hard, it's just a different kind of hard.

A friend once passed on a little story that had been shared with them:

"The perfect parent 

put his perfect children 

in the perfect place 

and they still chose to sin."

I'm not often speechless, but I must admit...I am.  I wonder how many times in a day God looks at me with the same puzzled look I often give my children.  The mere thought of that brings me down a few notches.  It's so easy to get caught up in all the questions of life, behaviors, and mistakes.  However, I can testify that all the worrying, crying, and even temper tantrums I've thrown throughout the years hasn't changed a thing.  I still make mistakes.  My children still make mistakes and I still desperately want to protect them from any and all poor choices.  However, the reality of the situation is, there is only one who can help with all this...and that is the perfect parent.

He is greater than any trial.  He is stronger than any storm.  And the depth of his love is inconceivable.  As impossible as it is to think about someone loving my children more than me...He does.

And, that, dear friends is who I will love, follow, and trust to guide me.

Lessons Through Fruit

Every time my husband and I say goodbye, I am forced into a lifestyle that I never wanted.  I never wanted to feel like a single Mom.  I never wanted to be the sole emotional supporter of our family.  I never wanted to be alone.  In fact, growing up I always said I wouldn't marry a military man (God had different plans).  I often go into these temporary separations with a smile on my face but a hole in my heart.  The pressure that comes with being a military spouse is almost unbearable at times. While deployments are nothing new for our family, the amount of time Mike has been gone in the last 12 months is.  We've seen the leader for our family exactly 139 days this year...a bit over 4 months.  It's true that this deployment has finally ended. but I believe as a couple and a family we will be reflecting on it for a long time.

I always do my best to ponder on the lessons I've learned.  As much as I wish God would choose a different path to show me His way, in the end I am always convinced it was necessary for my growth as a Christian, wife, and Mother.  As per norm, our lives on this final go-round went a tad nutty.  We had plumbing problems which resulted in my daughter being without a room for weeks.  We've had issues with the school and bullies.  We have been addressing some medical issues.  Random broken household items, and emotions.  Emotions can never be left out of the equation.

Through it all, although I have smiled (most of the time) and blown off situations, the truth is it has been ridiculously hard.  I have questioned myself, my marriage, and my life as a whole.  I never questioned my God, as I had all but pushed Him away.  The craziest part, and one that I am thankful for, is that I remained faithful to our Sunday morning worship.  Every time I was surrounded by my fellow Christians, lifting up praises, I could feel Him.  He was moving my heart...telling me to not give up; reminding me that He was there.  

 I have been led to revisit the seven fruits of the spirit.  These were things Mike and I spent a very long time teaching the children about, encouraging them to practice.  Yet here I am, facing the good, bad, and ugly part of myself.

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, 
kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Against such things there is no law."

Galatians 5:22-23

I am joyful and overwhelmed with the love at the way my children and I clung to one another throughout every stumbling block that came our way.  My children constantly stepped up to help whenever and wherever they could.

Unfortunately, finding my inner peace did  not come as easily.  I really struggled with so many overwhelming emotions and my kindness.  I recognize now that Satan was hard at work within me.  I felt so resentful that my husband, who was forced to be away from us, was away.  I got so angry at the "freedom" he had.  He could sleep in on days he didn't have to work.  He could go running whenever he was off.  And his meals...all of his meals were prepared by others and most often delicious.   Meanwhile, I was here pushing myself to make dinner.  I'm ashamed to say more often than not, they were nothing special or glamorous.  I was quite frankly not a very patient wife.  

How horrible to feel such hateful things toward the man who was giving so much.  His hard work enables me to stay at home to be with our children.  His hard work is what takes care of our finances.  Now the guilt...there he goes again...Satan at work. 

Because my heart was rarely at peace, my gentleness lacked.  

Because of that I was so encouraged and grateful to the kindness that was shown to me.  Thoughtfulness (goodness) is something I never take for granted.  I always try to be kind and gentle to others, but the amount of tenderness that was shown to me this past year has made me joyful!  My friends are the greatest. They let me cry when I needed to cry, listen when i needed to vent, and encourage me when I felt I could do no more.

As for my self control, well, that will always be a work in progress for me. However, I will say I demonstrated quite a bit of self control when dealing with some serious school problems and their seriously troubled system.

Finally, my faithfulness.  My faithfulness never wavered.  Despite my feelings at any given moment, there was never a question of my devotion to my husband.  Mike is my best friend, my partner, my cheerleader, my helpmate, and my love.  He is dedicated, self sacrificing , and faithful.  What more could a woman ask for?

Putting these feelings out there, make them so much more real.  Quite obviously I still have a lot to work on.  My hope is that now that my man is home, my loneliness will be disappear.  Once the realization that I'm not in this alone, we can heal and I can be the very best.

Let the Journey Begin.

My oldest son, Ethan, turned 13 a couple of weeks ago.  This. is. a. big. deal.  In our family, we have decided to make this particular birthday a big event.  We, of course, like to recognize all birthdays, but the 13th is a bit different.  This, is the beginning of Ethan's journey into manhood.

Many, many years back Mike and I studied the book Raising a Modern Day Knight.  This book talks about key developmental points in a young man's life, starting from birth.  Mike and I want to make sure that our sons are adequately equipped for the life ahead of them.  Becoming a "man" in this day in age is tough.  The lines have become blurry as to what a man's job is since we have become a general-neutral society.  There are more and more television shows in which the man/husband is emasculated within the family.  I realize these shows can be funny, but how confusing can they be to young boys who are trying to establish their place in the world? 

Thankfully, my Ethan has his Daddy, his Poppy, and many other Godly examples in our church to help show him the way.  He needs to see and hear how important it is to treat his future wife with love, honor, and respect.  He needs to know the value of work; whether it be side jobs, chores, or studying hard for a test.  He needs to learn the value of standing up for what's right and what it means to be "tough"; it's not all about physical effort, after all.

Right now, there is a plan that has been set in motion for Ethan's life.  Although we are not sure what it is, we know that God is in control of what's to come and we can take comfort in that.  Ethan is a good boy with a kind heart and a sense of humor that will leave you in stitches.  I love his attitude on life, his relationships with his siblings, and his deep desire to make good choices.  I am going to miss the carefree days when our biggest dilemma was how to celebrate the Super bowl and what we're going to have for dinner, but I am excited and hopeful about the adventures ahead. 

Ethan Roy, I am so happy to be your Momma!

We celebrated together as a family on the 29th.

Ethan is now old enough to have his own hunting rifle.

Thank you Gam and Poppy!

We also celebrated at the church with a lot of his friends.

 

 Gam and Poppy came down to love on our boy...AND to make his famous pork!

There has never been a better tastin BBQ.

 Massive games of dodge ball, basketball, and every other type of game involving pain.  Thankfully we only had a few injuries.

 

 

Love these boys.

 

 

 

 I couldn't resist including this one of Addie Pie just hanging out with the guys.