A New Chapter

Sunday, June 23, 2019

It’s the eve of my first job interview in 18 years.  Let that sink in…18 years.  While some may hear that number and think of wasted years that I could have been pursuing a personal dream, I look at those years as being filled with perhaps my greatest accomplishments.  I’ve been able to spend the last 18 years of my life supporting my husband while watching five incredible babies grow and blossom into amazing people.  I’ve seen all of them take their first steps, been to every school party, and cried with every first day of school.  These not-so-little people have been my whole world.  While that will never change, the time is right for me to begin focusing on personal goals.

Monday, June 24, 2019

What led to this day is profound and simply cannot go unmentioned.  After graduating in June, Mike and I discussed the possibility of me getting a job while I worked toward my Master’s degree.  Weighing the pros and cons, we decided that rather rush into any decisions, we would “hurry up and wait” (thanks for the mantra US Air Force). We began praying for direction…Mike and I prayed, my family prayed, and my friends prayed.  I often spoke about needing God to show me a big neon sign letting me know what direction to take.  At times I felt like I would never get an answer, although in hindsight the wait period was fairly short.  One afternoon, while speaking with a friend about volunteer opportunities in our community that would allow me to work with people in need of emotional support, they mentioned an organization called Caring Solutions.  I began doing research and immediately fell in love.  This was a group that sought to provide women love, medical care, and support during a very vulnerable point in their lives.  While perusing their website, I stumbled upon several job openings.  It was then that I realized THIS was my neon sign.  God had used an innocent conversation with a friend to lead me here.  I swallowed my insecurities and submitted my resume. 

    

I was beyond nervous for my interview today; stepping outside of my comfort zone to apply for a position after all these years had my stomach in knots.  After my initial jitters had subsided and the interview commenced, I became sure that I had come to the right place. 

Friday, June 28, 2019

I am thrilled to say that I am now officially a member of the Caring Solutions family.  As I sit here thinking about reentering the workforce, I am flooded with emotion.  My dream has always been to become a therapist and this position will allow me to dip my toe into those waters.  I can’t hide my excitement of the possibilities to come!  Meeting new people, cultivating new relationships, and working with like-minded individuals is exhilarating!  I’ve prayed so hard for an opportunity like this! 

  

Finding my Happy Place???

It looks as though I'm not going to reach my goal of running 6 races before the year is up.  Although I do have a couple more races in mind, I won't make it.  After my 5k in the beginning of the year I, once again, decided I didn't like running.  So I stopped...just stopped.  Running is one of those things that is really hard (for me) to stop and then start back up again.  It physically hurts.  My chest gets tight as I start to gasp for air and my legs eventually are begging me to stop.  Mentally, I just beat myself up.  Basically, I'm just uncomfortable....

Sweat - need for oxygen - water - a chair!

So I didn't do it for awhile.  I didn't really do anything.  Life got busy, as it always does, and once again I struggled; to keep up, to keep my sanity, and to even keep going.

After a few months off I decided once again to suck it up and hit the road. My search for balance in my life is crucial and it's something I'm always struggling to obtain.  That is what I believed was missing.  And running, well it helps me.  Sometimes I think about the music I'm listening to.  Sometimes I think about how the cars around me are driving too fast.  Sometimes I am just in the moment.  I allow myself to just be...to feel the tightness in my chest and shoulders, to smell the cleanliness of someone doing laundry.  I can think about how my pace feels and wonder if I can finish strong?

This time around, I decided to change my mindset.  Rather than grab a training plan online, that I'm probably not ready for anyway, I decided that I would just lace up my fancy pink sneakers and hit the road.  I wanted to enjoy running.  So, I started out slow.  Rather than feeling disappointed that I didn't go as far/fast as I wanted, I was thrilled that I went at all!  That has been the most freeing and most wonderful feeling ever!  As the weeks have gone by and both my pace and distance have improved I'm feeling great!!  I am actually loving the way it makes me feel.  It gives me such a sense of accomplishment and dare I say pride when I do better than what I expected.  All that being said, I still have goals and I am still trying to improve every time I go out.  Because I do.  In fact, who knows where I'll be a few months from now!  Maybe a 7-something minute pace. Ha!  Just kidding, I'm pretty sure that's just not going to happen!

Seriously though, I'm glad this is helping me balance my life because once again we have gotten word that my Mike will be leaving soon.


**This picture was taken last year when I ran a 5k with my favorite 14 year old.

Let the Journey Begin.

My oldest son, Ethan, turned 13 a couple of weeks ago.  This. is. a. big. deal.  In our family, we have decided to make this particular birthday a big event.  We, of course, like to recognize all birthdays, but the 13th is a bit different.  This, is the beginning of Ethan's journey into manhood.

Many, many years back Mike and I studied the book Raising a Modern Day Knight.  This book talks about key developmental points in a young man's life, starting from birth.  Mike and I want to make sure that our sons are adequately equipped for the life ahead of them.  Becoming a "man" in this day in age is tough.  The lines have become blurry as to what a man's job is since we have become a general-neutral society.  There are more and more television shows in which the man/husband is emasculated within the family.  I realize these shows can be funny, but how confusing can they be to young boys who are trying to establish their place in the world? 

Thankfully, my Ethan has his Daddy, his Poppy, and many other Godly examples in our church to help show him the way.  He needs to see and hear how important it is to treat his future wife with love, honor, and respect.  He needs to know the value of work; whether it be side jobs, chores, or studying hard for a test.  He needs to learn the value of standing up for what's right and what it means to be "tough"; it's not all about physical effort, after all.

Right now, there is a plan that has been set in motion for Ethan's life.  Although we are not sure what it is, we know that God is in control of what's to come and we can take comfort in that.  Ethan is a good boy with a kind heart and a sense of humor that will leave you in stitches.  I love his attitude on life, his relationships with his siblings, and his deep desire to make good choices.  I am going to miss the carefree days when our biggest dilemma was how to celebrate the Super bowl and what we're going to have for dinner, but I am excited and hopeful about the adventures ahead. 

Ethan Roy, I am so happy to be your Momma!

We celebrated together as a family on the 29th.

Ethan is now old enough to have his own hunting rifle.

Thank you Gam and Poppy!

We also celebrated at the church with a lot of his friends.

 

 Gam and Poppy came down to love on our boy...AND to make his famous pork!

There has never been a better tastin BBQ.

 Massive games of dodge ball, basketball, and every other type of game involving pain.  Thankfully we only had a few injuries.

 

 

Love these boys.

 

 

 

 I couldn't resist including this one of Addie Pie just hanging out with the guys.

 

 

 

It Took Me 13 Days To Realize.

As I headed out the door for church yesterday morning there were several things that came to my attention:

My leggings were a bit too snug around my waist. -Ugh

 

My black coat had dog hair on it. -Classy

 

My face, that is a bit dry from the cooler temperatures is going out in public "naked" as I could not     find my moisturizing concealer. -Lovely

 

After I did finally make it to church, late, I had to practically use one leg to keep the useless poop from falling out and littering the parking lot. -Beautiful

 

Really?  Really?  Yes, really.  It was truly a remarkable start to my morning.

 

 

This year, I somewhat turned up my nose at the idea of New Year resolutions.  They seem, to me, to all be nonsense.  After all, shouldn't we constantly be striving to better ourselves?  Shouldn't we always be setting new goals and refocusing ourselves year round?  And besides, aren't they usually all pretty much the same; lose weight, be more organized, manage my time better, exercise more.

 

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

 

I have just remedied the problems I was facing just yesterday.  Bless my heart.

 

I must confess that I am now feeling a tad foolish and a bit like the Grinch on Christmas morning after he realizes it's not the presents/ornaments/food that makes the season what it is, it's the meaning.  Ahhh, January 1st may be the most popular day of the year to set new goals, but it's not just about it being the New Year.  It's about creating a new beginning; it is the intent behind them...our hopes and, dare I be dramatic, our dreams.

 

 

Although I may sound as though I am poking fun, I am actually gaining more perspective.  There are some change and improvements that need to be made in my life.  I am afraid, I have veered off course and more often used the excuse, "I can either do ____ or I can do ____, but I simply cannot do everything."  Side Note:  I must be sure and thankfully add that I am usually saying those words to myself, as Mike is supportive in many things I do.  Even when it comes to me not cooking dinner for our family because I am busy baking dozens of goodies for our kiddos parties OR clipping 100's of coupons because I am going to save us SOOO much money!

 

So, here it is January 13th and I realize the tradition of the New Year resolutions may not be so bad after all.  The 1st is just a perfect date to push the "refresh" button and/or "reboot" entirely.  For me, here they are:

 

Run 6 races this year.  The distances are yet to be determined.  I have a great many hurdles to cross before that decision is made.

 

Get in better shape.  In the process of my love/hate relationship with running I'm afraid I have put on a few extra lbs.  It's about time to get over the relationship woes and shed the winter coat.

 

I need to manage my time better.  Honestly, I would rather not feel like taking a zanex every morning after getting home from taking my kiddos to school.  I'm quite sure the teachers are tired of hearing my tires screech as I come whipping around the corner with :32 seconds until the tardy bell rings.

 

Be more organized.  Actually though, there is a positive to add here.  When it comes to signed papers, lunches and homework...I do pretty well.  However, if you open the wrong cabinet or closet door, you are in for an ugly surprise.

 

And with that, here's to the next 352 days of the year!!!

 

The Perfect Book Bag

If you walk into any number of stores, the smell of new crayons and paper products will quickly assault your nose.  Colored folders, pencils by the hundreds and glue sticks...we can't forget the glue sticks!  Yes.  Our summer vacation is quickly coming to an end.  While the big kids have been filling their days at Winshape Camp this week, I took the little girls on an outing to pick up some basic school supplies.  This was their first time being able to help and they were oh-so-excited!  There was also the promise made that we would look for the prettiest lunch box we could find.  After all supplies were gathered, we searched the store...up and down each aisle to no avail.  It seems they had not unpacked all of their inventory.  Seeing the little frowns on their lips make me abandon my plans for the rest of the morning and we decided to check yet another store.  Low and behold it was empty of the little treasures as well.  I suppose everyone is a little behind schedule this year.  No judgement from this gal, I feel behind most of the time!  The one thing we did get to check out were a few little book bags.  We saw Hello Kitty, Cinderella, The Little Mermaid, and some other sparkly ones that I didn't recognize.  For the girls it was love at first sight...over and over again.  For me...eh, not so much.  So, I set about the task of explaining to these two smitten little girls, while these are very pretty bags, they are made of plastic and would rip very easily.  I continued to say Momma didn't want to spend money on something that wasn't going to last very long.  Durability is a tough concept to grasp at 4, huh!  If only I had a camera ready to capture their faces.  First was the look of confusion, then came the look of "but I want it," then came the frustration when I shook my head no.  Sorry Charlie, but we need to find the perfect book bag. 

It's not unusual for me to be filled with some trepidation at the beginning of the school year.  The newness of it all, the change...my babies!!!  However, this year is going to prove to bring an entirely different set of emotions.  Four of my children will be facing some big changes.  Ethan is headed into 6th grade.  He will be changing schools and will now be an official middle schooler!  Christian is moving up to the 3rd grade and will also be switching to a bigger kid school. 
  ***Here they have the children separated into the Primary School (preK-2nd), the Elementary
      (3rd-5th), Middle, and High School.***   
Each move will prove to be challenging as they all require more responsibility and dedication.
As for the twins?  Well, they will be starting all day Pre-K.  That's right, this year will also mark my very last first-first day of school.  They will be my last little Pandas to enter the halls of Perdue Primary.  It makes my heart full to think that this school and many of the teachers in it have watched my children grow.  I love walking in and being greeted with smiles and being asked how V,E or C are doing or seeing them get excited when they find out they will be getting to see the little girls very soon.  It really is a great school filled with warm people...they're just not me.  Selfishly, I want to continue to be the one who makes my little girls smile, who teaches them new things and introduces them to new concepts.  I want to see them from the time they wake up to the time they go to bed (minus the grumpy moments.  Truly, I could do without those).  Signing them up for Pre-K was so difficult for me.  I would have been perfectly content to keep them in a half day program at our church for a few mornings a week.  However, Mike and I decided, after very much prayer, that we would turn in our paperwork and if the girls were chosen to go to school then that would be God's decision, not ours.  I reluctantly agreed.  The next couple of months were filled with prayer.  I poured my heart out to God on why the girls should stay with me and then I would always conclude with ,"but You know best."  I sounded just like a child trying to plead my case to my Creator, as if He didn't know what was best for everyone.  The day their acceptance letters came in I cried like a baby.  Mike held me and the big kids celebrated with the littles.  I knew I had to pull myself together, but a small part of me felt a loss, as if a part of me was being ripped away.

From that moment on, hesitantly at first, my prayers have had to switch gears.  I have approached the Father with a grateful heart.  I am so grateful that God has allowed Mike and me to become parents to 5 amazing children.  I am so grateful to my husband for working so hard and allowing me the opportunity to stay at home and spend every moment with our kiddos.  I love all the boo boos I've been able to kiss, all the lessons I've been able to teach, all the nails I've been able to paint and all the bike rides we've been able to go on.  Truly, I have nothing to complain about.  God has been so good to me.  Rather than be sulky about my imminent feelings of loss, I am choosing to turn the page and celebrate this new chapter!  I am praying my little girls get the "perfect" teacher for them.  I want this transition to go as smoothly as possible and I know a good kindhearted teacher would help ease them (and me) into it.  I am praying for their behavior.  Although there are two of them and they play with others and pretty good at sharing, they both can have very strong personalities.  I pray that God will calm their hearts and allow new lessons to flow in. 

While we purchase our few remaining back-to-school items, I just know we'll find the right lunch boxes.  There just have to be beautiful, sparkly My Little Pony ones out there somewhere.  As for me?  I'm still in hot pursuit of the perfect book bag. 

  

 May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

 

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Can you feel that?  It's the feeling of change in the air.  Having two toddlers at one time has not always been easy.  A blessing?  Yes.  Super fun?  Absolutely!  However, there's not one piece of literature that will say having multiples is a piece of cake.  All the normal transitions that are hard with one child is exhausting, to say the least, with more.  In the last 3 weeks we have switched from sippy cups to big girl cups...diapers to panties...and now cribs to toddler beds.  Yes, you read that right.  I have cleaned up countless milk spills; changed numerous panties and re-tucked in two little girls too many times to count.  In fact, I feel like I need a nap after getting them down.  I've wondered if perhaps it has been too much change too fast, but I don't think so.  I am a firm believer that if you stay tuned in to your children, you will know when it's time to make certain changes.  That is exactly what I keep telling myself.  They are definitely ready, but everything takes practice and repetition.  I suppose the next thing is to conquer those pacifiers.  Actually, I believe I'll wait a little bit...one hurdle at a time!

Transitions

So my husband has been home exactly one week today. After all this time he still never ceases to amaze me. Despite the 24 hour flight and jet lag, he hit the ground running...doing baths, helping with homework, tucking little ones in and so on. I've found myself thinking on more than one occasion how in the world did I do this without him. (Matthew 19:26) Unfortunately, it seems although Mike was only gone 63 days, my mindset went into "loner" mode almost immediately and has yet to snap out of it. For some reason I am having a hard time letting him back into "my" world. How crazy does that sound?! I've been waiting for him to come back since the moment I dropped him off. I so desperately want to be the wife spoken about in Proverbs 31. Instead, the wife spoken about in Proverbs 27:15 seems more fitting, "A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as a constant dripping on a raining day." Now I realize this is a very personal matter and I definitely don't want it to be misunderstood as I love my husband very, very much. What I want brought into the light is the fact that transitions are hard...whether they be deployments, having children, loss of loved ones, changes of jobs, etc. Any type of change is a transition...big or small. We need to be patient with one another in love and know that these transitional periods are normal. In time they will work out because, "all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28