A Year To Remember

It probably comes as no surprise to anyone, but 2020 will undoubtedly go down in history as the strangest year of our lives.  Everything from the toilet paper shortage to the 24-hour quarantine, things have just been different.  I must confess though; it has been a blessing.  From the insane scheduling of gymnastics, karate, football, mine and Mike’s work schedule, and school in general, things had steadily become out of control.  However, after everything shut down, we were forced to slow down and take a breath.  Before this, I could not tell you the last time we put a puzzle together, had a 3-hour Monopoly battle or had a Bob Ross painting night.  Workouts became more creative.  Walking the dogs became a daily thing.  We colored with chalk, dyed our hair, played dozens of board games, and had outdoor movie nights.  I was gifted with more lengthy conversations with my big kids than I can count.  For that, I am thankful.

Victoria is flying through her junior year at William and Mary.  She is currently virtual learning from the comforts of home.  Although that was a difficult decision for her, saving money on dorm costs was a no-brainer.  Victoria has chosen not to work while she’s in school as she is fully dedicated to her academics and us!  Our girl is one of the most thoughtful and determined young women that I know.  When she puts her mind to something, she is sure to achieve it!   

Ethan is currently in his freshman year at the Naval Academy in Maryland; he has become quite the expert in push-ups, late night study sessions, and grinding through the sometimes-never-ending days of plebe life.  Just like the rest of the world, things are looking different for him.  All academics are taken online which makes things more challenging as these classes were never intended to be taken virtually.  However, even with the all the demands, he still manages to check in often.  We’re so thankful to have him home for the holidays!

Christian is in his sophomore year in high school and has become quite the beast in the gym, at school, and on the football field.  He was the starting defensive tackle on the JV team, which came with a lot of grind on and off the field.  One of the most exciting parts of his year happened when the DMV opened back up and he was able to get his permit.  Watch out everyone!!!  This guy’s managed to keep an A average all while balancing his many roles within the family.  He is one of the funniest, most dedicated, and hardworking teenage boys I’ve ever seen.  Love this kid.

Addie has made the jump to middle school life.  We were a little nervous about transitioning to middle school, but man, she’s crushing it!  She studies everyday and is making tons of new friends.  She decided to try something new this year and is now in karate!  Anyone who knows our girl knows that this is right up her alley.  She recently tested and is now proudly wearing a yellow belt.  This gal continues to be the crafting queen of the family.  Every week I am gifted with a new creation…I’m loving every one of them.  My sweet girl is one of the most thoughtful, caring, and determined 

12-year-olds ever!

Kaitlyn’s year has been one filled with broken bones.  Mother of the year encouraged her to push through thinking she was just sore from her many hours at gymnastics.  It wasn’t until she came home crying that I decided to get it checked out.  Yep…broken in two places.  Having a cast was initially fun until she realized how inconvenient it was.  Shortly thereafter, my girl slammed her hand in the door leaving her without a fingernail and a broken finger.  Needless to say, we’ve had quite an adventure with that little one.  Kaitlyn is not only killing it at the gym, she’s flying through sixth grade with ease.  The transition was a little more difficult, but she’s great at adapting.  She continues to be one of the sweetest, most tenderhearted, and hardworking kiddos ever!

Mike was promoted from Squadron Commander to Deputy Group Commander of the 116th Operations Group.  This means more meetings, more responsibilities, but no more deployments.  In recent weeks, we have learned that Mike was selected for a broadening opportunity to work at Headquarters Air Force in Washington, DC.  He will be working on the development and acquisition of future programs.  Although we're excited for the opportunity, it will be an adjustment getting used to being geographically separated for a little while.  Thankfully, Mike will still be flying and will still be affiliated with the State of Georgia, so he will be traveling home quite a bit.

As for me, I am still loving my new position as at Caring Solutions.  Prior to becoming a wife and Mother, I had many jobs that I enjoyed, but I never thought it was possible to have a career that my sole responsibility would be to love the people I serve.  I have the opportunity to connect with those who are facing difficult decisions and am able to guide those who are seeking to improve their situations.  Even better than the patients I meet, I serve alongside of some of the most caring and Godly women I have ever known.  Although the days can be long, the benefits of what I do make every day worth it.

We pray that you all had a very Merry Christmas and are blessed beyond measure in 2021!

19 Years and Counting

"How long have you guys been married?"  That's a question I get asked often; when I respond with "19 years" I often get a wide-eyed reaction filled with disbelief.  My parents have been married for 45 years and I know that every time I hear that number, I react with the same look.  It has nothing to do with the couple, rather, the idea of how long that actually is! 

We have had 19 years of deployments, TDY's, children, moves, military demands, loss, lessons, and did I mention, children!  There have been many ups and downs.  Thankfully, the good times have outweighed the bad times; however, by no means has it been easy.  In fact, there have been times we have both asked the question, "is this worth it?"  My belief is that every couple has, at times, asked themselves that same question.  If they say they haven't, either they haven't been married that long or they're not necessarily being honest with themselves. I don't say that to be contentious, but rather to draw attention to the fact while marriage begins with two people deeply in love, it eventually becomes a choice...will you choose to stay in love?

The first time I saw Mike, he was on the basketball court at McAlister Field House at the Citadel; he was all alone in the gym working on his game.  I was immediately hooked on that handsome guy!  I loved his work ethic, determination, and dedication to the things he found most important.  I loved the way he looked at me, the way he built me up, and constantly encouraged me.  In the words of of  Ren'ee Zellwegar, in Jerry McGuire, he had me at hello. That was the honeymoon phase of our marriage.  Although it was beyond wonder, that phase never lasts.

Eventually, the struggles of life with a job, a family, and being away from the place you call home take root.  Marriage tests our patience, our capability of understanding, our empathy, and our determination.  Will you run every time the thought crosses your mind?  Will you bolt every time your feelings get hurt or there's a disagreement?  Those become questions you will be forced to consider throughout your marriage.  It's hard, because we're human and self preservation is a very real thing. 

Marriage stretches every human boundary we thought we had.  It forces us to face the ugliness inside ourselves and embrace the joy we never thought was possible.  It is also true that marriage, as with any true commitment, takes work....but is it worth it?  Yes, it absolutely is.

Here's to 19 years and counting...

A Full Heart

As always, another year has blown by and I have to admit that I am sad to see 2017 end.  This year was filled with love, memories, and growth.  We have learned to cherish those closest to us and cling to every precious moment we have with those we love.  It wasn't so long ago that I used to balk at the sweet older women who would tell me to "enjoy every minute of motherhood because it goes by so quickly".  Those words would often come at times when my patience was running thin or I was stressed beyond words.  However, as it turns out, those sweet women were the wisest of all.

Our family is now bracing for transition as Victoria is in search of the perfect school.  That girl has done some amazing things this year!  After turning 17, she got her first car, her first job, and began her last year as a high school student.  This summer, while we vacationed in New Hampshire, she spent her time on the lake studying for a Future Business Leaders of America national competition that was to be held in California.  Her time was well spent as she competed and was named National Champion in Business Communication.  Did I mention this was her first year participating in FBLA and that she had never taken a business class?  She has really learned to spread her wings and embrace all that life has to offer.  She is coaching her 3rd year of Upward basketball with Mike, spends hours volunteering around our community, and maintains her 4.1 GPA.  As I have said time and again, this girl is going to do great things, not simply because of her brilliance, but because she has a heart of gold and loves with all her being.  She loves people, loves challenges, and is not afraid to reach for the stars!  I am beyond thankful to call her my girl.

Ethan is enjoying the perks of being 16.  He gets more freedom, later nights, and time in the driver's seat.  This boy stays busy and understands the value of hard work and determination.  He was fortunate enough to go on several church retreats with the youth group this year; these retreats foster friendship, encourage leadership, and dive deep into God's Word.  I am so thankful for these ministries and the passion it evokes in my children.  Ethan had a pretty big year with athletics; he ran varsity track, varsity cross country, and is on the HOCO basketball team.  He has managed to do this all while maintaining A's in all his classes.  I absolutely love his determination!  Even though track and cross country were not his favorite sports, he honored his commitment and improved at every race.  Ethan decided this year that after high school he wants to head north and attend the Naval Academy.  The thought of another child growing up and leaving the proverbial nest makes my stomach tighten, but knowing the amazing things my son is capable of has me beaming!  Wherever he goes, I know that God has big plans for him!

My sweet Christian has now entered his teenage years and is thriving!  This was his first year playing football for his school and he killed it!  On top of keeping straight A's and being an athletic beast, he's started a pet-sitting job on the side.  As it turns out, taking care of pets is quite a lucrative job; he's learning the benefits of hard work, money management, and the sweet rewards of dedication.  For his birthday, he got his first acoustic guitar.  He began teaching himself how to play and is now rocking out on a regular basis.  My boy is strong, smart, devoted, and above all has a pure heart.  He went on several trips with our church this year that have deepened his faith tremendously.  When Christian was 10, he told me he wanted to serve as a missionary one day.  Now, at 13, he is talking to his youth pastor and looking ahead to when he can actually fulfill that dream.  He has a heart for people and love for God that goes beyond what many teenagers have.  He's a keeper for sure!

My not-so-littles celebrated their 9th birthday this year!  I don't think I'll ever be able to look at them and not think of them as my "littles".  This year, they started 3rd grade, which meant transitioning into the big kid school (3rd-5th grades).  They are loving being part of different clubs and participating in school activities.  However, the real fun began when the girls realized a harder grade required more discipline with schoolwork.  That's been great fun...ha!

Addie remains the family's ultimate crafter and lover of any challenge, whether it be a race or an argument, she likes to win.  She is not often satisfied with basic answers; she likes to ask questions and understand every detail of what she is being taught.  I just love that about her!  She loves reading, writing, playing basketball, and gymnastics.  When asked what she wants to do when she grows up, she replies with "everything".  Our sweet girl loves fiercely, hurts deeply, and wants everything in life to make sense.

My little Kaitlyn continues to be my snuggle bug; she considers it a personal challenge to see just how close she can get.  I could NOT love that any more.  She is passionate about all things sporty!  When she was smaller, Mike and I were sure she was going to be our "girly-girl" who loved twirly dresses and big bows...not so much.  This gal likes her comfy clothes, gymnastics, and basketball.  She loves math, science, and is meticulous about everything being in order.  Her toys are all organized, her bed is almost always made, and her book bag is kept neat.  She may be just one of my most responsible children, even if she is my youngest (by a minute).

As for Mike and I, 2017 has been a great year!  With our kiddos being older, we've been able to get away more often.  We've been to see the Avett Brothers in concert, the Impractical Jokers, and had countless date nights.  Keeping a marriage strong is difficult if you allow life to get in the way.  Let's face it, life has a funny way of distracting us from what's most important.  I am so thankful that we have both worked very hard toward being intentional and making each other a priority.  We are thankful for another year without a deployment!  I'm sure there is another on the horizon, but for now we're enjoying being together and living in the present.  On a personal note, I will be finishing my degree this year and preparing to enter the workforce.  I am so, so, so excited!

While this year has been one of the best for our family, 2018 will undoubtedly bring with it new hopes, new opportunities, and even more room for growth.  So I'm ready... bring it on 2018!







 

Always and Never

...two words I try to avoid.

Somewhere a long the way I was taught to avoid thinking in extremes.  Recently that lesson has become more important than ever to me.  I tend to veer in the directions of these "universal quantifiers".  By doing that, I not only limit my thinking, but I unknowingly give myself permission to feel those in extremes.   Life is not only made up of black and white, but of an abundance of colors in between.  However, as with every rule, there will be some exceptions.

Always

1.  Things will always change.  God tells us in Ecclesiastes 3 that there is a season for everything...a time to laugh, a time to cry.  There's a time to grieve, a time to dance.  Based on that scripture alone we know that life changes; jobs, marriage, friendships....  I could go on forever naming them and even then I'm sure there could be more examples that could be added.  Change in and of itself is not a bad thing, but grasping the reality that it is inevitable is absolutely helpful.  Trusting God with your life and constantly holding on to his promises is what will get you through the good times and bad.

2.  Your decisions will always affect those around you.  If an adult decides to skip work for the day...fellow coworkers will probably have to work harder to make up for it.  If a youth decides they'd rather not do their section of a school project...the entire groups will suffer the consequences of that zero.  It doesn't matter what the decision at hand is.  The rewards and/or consequences have a way of trickling to others, whether it's fair or not.

3.  There are always things to be grateful for.  Even in the darkest of days there are things we can choose to be thankful for.  It could be that you're healthy, that your children are healthy.  You could be grateful for the beautiful sunrise or the restful sleep you had.  Our gratitude does not have to be felt over the big things.  For me, it's more often than not over the small, simple things.  No matter what your blessings are, gratitude is always a choice that only you can make.

 4.  There is always hope.  Depending on our age and maturity level, we will all hope for different things.  Whether it is a student hoping for straight A's or an adult hoping for the next promotion, it's there.  Discouragement, pessimism, depression, and anger are all killers of hope.  They are brought forth by the enemy.  Optimism, encouragement, and hope all come from our Savior.  By embracing those thoughts is the same as proclaiming there is no Savior.  He is the one who provides us with hope and because He does exist there will always be hope for you.

It is a light within us that pierces the darkness of doubt and discouragement and taps into the light

(hope) hope of all creation - even the Savior.

John H Groburg.

5.  Always, always forgive.  I have been under the impression for as long as I can remember that forgiveness is a feeling.  If you don't feel it, then you don't give it.  I have been terribly wrong.  Forgiveness is a decision.  It requires very little of us, but the choice to give it is such a wonderful blessing.  It frees us from the snares of anger and bitterness.  It releases us into the freedom of knowing that we are trusting our God.  He knows the pain we experience and every tear that falls from our eyes.  He will deal with any and every *** that comes our way.  His presence changes things.  When we embrace Him and allow him to take over, our love will grow deeper and the anger we feel evaporates and gives way to forgiveness.

Never

1.  Never assume someone knows how you feel.  I am notorious for doing this.  I simply assume Mike knows that I love him...that I respect him.  Regardless if he knows or simply assumes, he needs to hear it from me.  I can not simply assume that my children know how much I love them and how I cherish each one of them.  They need to hear it.  Don't ever let a day go by where you fail to express your emotions.  Whether it's love, appreciations, frustration, or disappointment.

2.  Never get so comfortable that you become complacent.  Complacency happens when we get so accustomed to our routine that we stop growing as people.  We stop working on our marriage.  We stop working on our friendships.  We become too satisfied.  I realize that may sound a bit peculiar, because we want to be satisfied and many of us thrive on routines.  The problem develops when we stop trying to become better people.  We settle with average.  We settle with the, "that's it?" mentality.  Complacency encourages doing the absolute minimum.  There is a time for everything, so this type of mentality may be helpful for a season, but not for a lifestyle.  We need to continue setting goals and reaching them, only to have another goal lined up after that.

3.  Never forget that you too are flawed.  We are all fallible and fantastically human.  We will all make mistakes that we will have to atone for.  The mistakes and bad judgement calls are not so much the problem.  The problem comes in when we begin thinking we are better than those around us. Only after that is when pride settles in.  Our lives are a process.  Through every painful and humiliating decision and every hurtful and heartbreaking interaction, we are growing.  Our mistakes are what help us gain wisdom and craft our lives.  Everything that happens to us, good or bad, provides us with the strength, knowledge, and even confidence to live the life we are meant to live.

4.  Never stop trying to improve yourself.  Every day presents a new opportunity for growth.  Just as the flowers reach for the heaves, we should to.  The closer we get to the Father, the more we will desire to be like Him.  Will we ever be perfect?  Absolutely not.  However, Ephesians 4:25 says that we were created to be more like God, truly righteous and holy.  Not "holier than thou" but honest, committed, and morally pure.

5.  Never give up.  The thought of giving up is one that I have all too often.  I tend to get tunnel vision and am unable to see the big picture which is this, life is precious.  Satan does his very best to convince us that we are worthless and that things/situations/circumstances will never get better.  That is why he is knows as the king of lies.  His primary job is to kill, steal, and destroy.  If we are not careful and allow ourselves to become ensnared in his lies, he will kill our dreams, steal our joy, and destroy our happiness.  As long as there is air in your lungs, do not give up the fight.

Thirty-Five. Wait, what?

Age is just a number, huh.  That's what I've been told most of my life; however, there are so many milestones tied to those "meaningless" digits.

When you reach...

 5 -  Hooray, you're a whole hand now!  You're such a big kid!
10 - My goodness, you have now reached double digits.  No going back now kiddo.
13 - Whaaat, a teenager?
16 - Dear law, you can drive...please bring me my Tylenol.
18 - Congratulations!  You've graduated high school and can vote!  What an accomplishment and
       what a privilege!
21 - Now you are really, seriously an adult.  Please remember what has been instilled in your heart,
       follow God's laws and you will be just fine.  Always remember we love you...(just please don't
       smoke, do drugs, drink, or have sex.  You'll regret it...I promise.  Oh, and we love you)
30 -Now 30 seems to be the age where so many people get tripped up.  They spend so much time   reflecting; so much time thinking about the past; the then and now, if you will.  For me, well 30 never really bothered me. I felt happy, content, and dare I say...still young.

35 -This year, however, has been a bit different.  It has struck a different cord.  I am now checking a different box.  Rather than 25-34 age group, I am now in with the 35-40 year old women.  Wait, what?  For whatever reason, I had to shake my head a little to bring myself back to the reality of it all.  I. am. 35.  Where in the world has my whole life gone?  What legacy am I leaving?  What about my accomplishments?  My dreams?  Have I conquered fears?  Have I walked by faith or lived in fear?  Have I been a person my family can be proud of?  If I died today would I have touched enough lives that anyone would come to my funeral?

Morbid, I know, but I panicked!  For some reason at that moment I felt like 35 was halfway to 70 and that was more than halfway to death.  I felt like my time was running out.  After voicing my thoughts to Mike and receiving a look that more than implied I had lost my marbles, I decided I needed some time to put things in perspective.  My 34th year was for sure a pivotal year for me; lots of lessons learned and many growing pains were felt. 

* I became the mother of two 5 year old little girls.  My youngest babies are now a "whole hand!"  They were even big enough to start kindergarten...sigh.  Writing stories, reading big books, and the biggie...no more naps ;)

* My youngest son, my very last Roy boy, entered into the double digits.  I remember what a big deal that was for me.  I seriously remember riding my bike around the neighborhood telling myself that there's no going back now, I was a big kid.  Seems funny now, although it was no laughing matter at the time.  I suppose I took things seriously even then.

* This is looking ahead just a bit, but my oldest son is about to enter into the teenage world.  Goodness, that in and of itself is something.  Now begin the times where decisions are going to matter more than ever before.  Peer pressure is going to become more intense and life priorities are going to be set.

* My oldest child started high school.  High.  School.  It's about to happen...newfound freedoms, obligations, relationships, decisions, and priorities that are all going to help shape the rest of her life.  Although her Dad and I felt like we were tossing her to the wolves, we prayed that we had adequately instilled the most importantly lesson for what's to come:  Always put God first and the rest will fall into place.

* My husband and I have celebrated 13 years of marriage.  We, in a sense, have/are "growing up" together.  We've had our share of struggles and our share of triumphs.  We've been stressed beyond measure, and even had times where we just felt like we were just doing life, rather than living and enjoying it.  Through it all, we have learned how to lean on God for support and cling to each other along the way. Although some grey hairs are making an appearance, Mike continues to compliment my beauty and love me through every emotional meltdown I have.  We're doing it...we're actually growing old together.  I love it.  How many people can actually say that?

*I have maintained a steady job for 13 years.  My benefits continue to go up; I make my own hours, most of the time), and the pay is pretty darn good.  It would be impossible to put an actual dollar amount on the amount of joy I experience while serving my family.  I've been there for all the "firsts," dried many tears, had my arms overflowing with countless hugs, and watched every milestone and goal be met.  As with any job, there are perks and, well, not perks.  To experience true joy you must participate in it all.  I'm so thankful that my husband works so hard, to put me in a position where I can "work at home" for my family.

* This seemed to be the year that I actually realized what true friendship was all about.  I know quite a few people, but there are only a precious few that I know I could come to at my lowest and be assured they would stop everything to help.  Deployments, death, health, and pregnancy have been 4 biggies in which I have had to lean on others.  It wasn't easy to be so vulnerable, but those friendships have helped get me through.  The times we have shared laughing, crying, venting, and solving all world problems are priceless.  THOSE kinds of friendships are hard to find.

* My God continues to amaze me.  Sometimes I have the courage to step out in faith, knowing it is what God wants me to do.  However, most of the time, I make sure it lines up with what I'm comfortable doing and what fits in.  Countless times this year God has encouraged, then gently nudged, and finally pushed me to do something new.  Sometimes I think, "ah-ha, I get it" right away.  Then other times, I won't see it all until days/weeks down the road.  Simply ah-mazing and always a blessing.

So, now that I am 35 + some days old I have embraced my accomplishments, experiences, and learned a lot along the way.  It's time to focus on some new goals and work harder to improve older ones.  Currently I am trying to increase my distance in my running, learning to really study the Bible, and trust God wholeheartedly win a few situations that my earthly mind cannot even wrap my mind around.

I am thankful; so very thankful to be able to check that new box and thankful to start a new year.

 

 

These two dolls are 5!!

 

This kiddo gets tougher by the year. 

He's quick. He's smart. He's strong.  He's my big (almost teenage) boy!!

 

 

This brilliant, beautiful, and talented young lady is my sweet high schooler!

 

 This handsome man loves me!  How lucky am I?!

Still going strong.

 

 

 

Cheers to 35!!

I've Got This

...said no Mother ever!

 

 

I was thinking about this the other night as I was dicing avocados, calling out science questions and encouraging the little girls to "jump in" the bathtub.  In between breaths and many attempts not to chop off a finger, I pondered on the fact that this was supposed to be a smooth day.  I had canceled all my morning plans, so I could work on things around the house that desperately needed my attention.  After dropping the kiddos off at school I had a full 6 hours and 15 minutes to get everything done in order to set us up for a successful afternoon and nighttime.  How and when exactly things turned completely crazy is unknown to me.  Here's the breakdown:

 

3:00  Greet Ethan and catch up on his day.  Victoria had a football game she had to play for (band).

 

3:20-3:50  Pick up the little girls from school.

 

4:00  Greet Christian and hear all about his day.  He had a big science test!

 

4:30  Snacks and homework begin...cue western chase music.  *Christian had time to eat and quickly change into his football gear.

 

5:00  Christian left for his football game.  Mike and I kissed hello/goodbye and they were off.  Thank goodness for my husband!  I don't know what I'd do without him!!

 

5:00-7:00 Homework, dinner, and baths.  All were going on roughly at the same time (except dinner).  Addie decided this was a good time to shave the front part of her leg; thankfully not her face, which is what was first reported to me by her sister.  I had stopped calling out test questions to Ethan to assure her that we all make mistakes, but not to do this again.  I must admit, it was slightly funny.  From the age of 18 months Addie Pie has never failed to keep me on my toes.

 

7:30  Ethan took a break from homework to hear about Tori and Christian's game while I took the little ones to upstairs to brush, read, and sing.

 

8:30  Ethan and Tori are at their homework.  Poor Ethan had so much!!  It was painful to watch him work so hard with zero time to just sit back and relax.  I was helping him cover his notebooks while Christian was reading to Daddy.  Victoria was filling me in on her day.

 

9:00  Christian was in bed and ready to be tucked in. (I simply love my nightly tuck ins.  That's when they really reveal what's in their heart.  I pray I never take this time for granted.)  Ethan was wrapping everything up.

 

10:00  I said goodnight to Victoria and stumbled up the stairs.  After my shower, I crawled in bed to a sleeping husband.  Just to wake up at 5 and start all over. 

It's strange.  I thought when this school year started I would have so much time on my hands that I would actually be bored.  I actually believed I would have plenty of time to meet with friends, get very active with church activities and the children's schools.  So far, it has been just the opposite.  I am never bored; I am thankful to participating in A Bible study and am happy to be able to send things in to the children's school. With that being said, I have made it my priority to be done with everything by the time school is out.  Sometimes my to-do list is complete, but most of the time it's not.  However, I make myself available to my kids.  This year has been a big transitional year for every single one of them, myself included.  Although some days feel a little crazy and most days I feel I'm forgetting SOMETHING, I am confident my efforts will pay off in the end.  Dr. James Dobson says it wonderfully:

 

"There is a higher calling...Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility.  Besides, living by that priority when kids are small will produce the greatest rewards at maturity."

 

 

 

 

My Sweet Goodbye

I've been home exactly 1 week and three days.  Since being home I have taught/helped with Vacation Bible School at out church, taken the little girls to gymnastics and ballet, taken Christian to the orthodontist to have his new wiring put in along with having his tongue clipped, celebrated Christian's 9th birthday, gotten the boys to basketball camp and made it to our final Vacation Bible School "show".  That in and of itself is enough to make a person want to sit and sleep for days, but perhaps I should back up to one of the most memorable points in my life which has led to my current state of distress.

I received a call around May 17th from my Mother, who was staying in Kentucky to take care of her sick Mother, stating that my Grandma was in fact not getting better an if I wanted to see her I needed to come as soon as possible.  I do believe my heart skipped a beat.  This was my Grandma...my Nanny.  She is the one who used to talk to me about living a life with Christ by my side.  She taught me scriptures and which ones were most important to her.  She was there at the hospital the day that I was born, sleeping on the floor just so she could be there!  If nothing else, my Grandma was full of love and of the most giving people you would ever have the pleasure of knowing.  She had been to visit me fairly recently, but the mere thought of me not being there with her and expressing my love and gratitude nearly squeezed the breath out of me.  I wanted to make this happen.  After talking to my husband and trying...oh I tried so hard...to work out the logistics for me to be able to make a quick trip "home" it just wouldn't work.  Mike was already set to deploy in only 7 short days.  Which if we only had the two of us to worry about it would have been no trouble, BUT of course that isn't the case.  There were parties, ceremonies all atop of the fact that Mike HAD to pack and attend a number of meetings to prepare.  I felt so torn, but ultimately had to do what would be best for my family.  It was then that I poured my heart out to God and prayed, no begged for him to allow my Grandma to hold on.  I wanted to be with her so bad.  I wanted to feel her cheek against mine.  She's always had the softest cheeks.  After we said our goodbyes to Mike we finished off what felt like the most hectic end of the school year ever.  I got another call from my Momma and she said...she needed me.  Done.
I proceeded to call around and get everything taken care...pet care, home care, meals prepared, house cleaned, bags packed and all loaded up.  We were on the road Tuesday headed to be with family. 
"Please let us make it.  Please let us make it.  Please let us make it," was my silent prayer to God.
The thought of never seeing my Grandma's face again made my heart ache.

The entire 7.5 hour drive my mind was flooded with memories of the adventures the two of us shared.  I was such a lucky girl.  Even though the distance was great between our families, my Grandma always made it a priority to come and take extended vacations to be with us.  She taught me how to make donuts, how to learn scripture, and many worldly lessons that only a soft spoken Grandma could teach.  We would spend hours in the backyard playing badminton, kicking the ball, and going on long walks to the river.  It seemed her energy was endless.  In later years she fell in love with angels.  They became her passion.  She collected them, quilted them and at one point she designed her very own stained glass window based on a card that I had sent her.  We made so many trips back and forth to the business who was handling her work of art, just to make sure it would come out perfectly...and it did.  It was on those long drives we would make it a ritual to stop by Wendy's and pick up a Frosty.  Grandma loved her chocolate ice cream.  That, along with any sweet, was the way to her heart.   

 As we neared her home, I had to prepare myself for what I was about to see.  I had already thoroughly prepared my children to the fact that they "Blue Nanny", as they called her, was dying.  I didn't know what to expect or what impact it would have on me or them, but either way, I knew God had arranged for this trip and that both she and my Mother needed me.  We walked in to a warm room full of love.  My Aunt, Uncle, cousins and my MOM was there.  Oh, how I needed my Mom.  Tucked away in the side of the room lay my Grandma.  My first thought was, "where is she in this big bed?"  She had lost weight and was just a little thing.  I knew then, that everything I had been told was correct.

She had suffered from a stroke that left her unable to swallow and she was too weak to put in a feeding tube.  The Doctor's had discovered that her heart and kidneys were shutting down and there was a small tumor growing on one kidney.  That tumor was our blessing in disguise.  Because they were able to label that as what was causing her demise, we were able to get Hospice care and nurses to come and visit Grandma whenever we needed them.  Praise God.  But at this point there was nothing we could do other than make Grandma comfortable.

After I arrived, I took over for Mom.  I slept downstairs with my cousins (so there were always 2 of us "on shift"), I helped to make sure she was turned every so often (as to keep her from getting bed sores), and I administered any medications she needed.  That, along with spending time with her, reading the Bible, and loving her to pieces.  We (family and close friends) made sure she was never alone.  It was only 3 days after I arrived that Grandma seemed to come alive.  The Hospice nurse referred to it as a "surge". She was smiling at us, talking to us, and even reaching out to hold our hands and stroking our faces.  It was the most beautiful weekend and most precious gift God could have given to us.  I was so very thankful that her house was full to the brim with all 3 of her children, 5 of her grandchildren, and all 11 of her great grandchildren.  It made her so happy to hear all the kids playing.  She always did love that sound.  We sang her songs, read to her and even snuck her little bites/sips of ice cream, only after we were given permission.  Although the nurses warned us the surge of energy would indeed pass, I think we all held on to a little hope that Grandma was going to pull through this.

My Uncle and his family left on Sunday morning.  After that my Grandma began to sleep.  When she did sleep she became restless and all around uncomfortable.  By Tuesday the nurse said to start giving her the medication round the clock on a schedule.  That was so hard to do, because of all the "what if's".  However, we didn't want her in pain.  From that point on Grandma slowly got sleepier and sleepier.  Thursday, June 6th was hers, mine and my parents wedding anniversary.  (When we all said our vows, with many years in between us, we did indeed want to honor that day so it was special indeed.)  The nurse came to visit us on Thursday and informed us that it wouldn't be much longer.  Many tears were shed as we prepared ourselves for the inevitable.  Friday morning came and my Grandma took her last breath.  It was the most peaceful moment I had ever experienced and the most intimate moment the two of us had ever shared.  She was with me when I took my first breath and I was with her when she took her last.

Although you are never fully prepared for moments like these, even when you know they are coming, I can take comfort in knowing exactly where my Grandmother is and that I will indeed be with her again one day in paradise.

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door,

I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.

Revelations 3:20 

 

 

 November 5, 1924 - June 7, 2013

 

I'm So In Love...

I love the smell of apple cinnamon candles.

I love the feel of clean sheets on my legs.

I love watching my children play with Mike. The looks on their faces...ALL of their faces...are priceless.

I love watching those "light bulb moments" when my children get what I am trying to teach them.

I love being alone in my car and turning my music up way too loud!

I love the hazelnut coffee from Dunkin Donuts...it's my guilty pleasure.

I love waking up to a clean kitchen. Even if I'm the one who cleaned it the night before. Although, it's even better when someone else cleans it. : )

I love watching my children play in the backyard. The games my boys come up with are so clever! The creations my girls come up with are genius! I am so blessed.

I love to cook! I may not be one of those people who can come up with their own recipes, but I sure can follow directions!

I love spending the afternoon with a dear friend. I think good friends are hard to find and best friends are nearly impossible. So once you find one...thank God for them daily.

I love to garden. I'm not very fond of the dirt underneath my fingernails, but the beautiful flowers and vegetables that come from all the dirty work make it worth it. '

I love Saturdays when there's absolutely nothing on my to-do list! Obviously I can think of things to do, but it's so much fun to come up with things I want to do rather than things I have to do.

Who Defines Normal Anyhow?

–adjective
1. conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.
2. serving to establish a standard.

Psychology .
a. approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment.
b. free from any mental disorder; sane.

Ouch!!! I must admit, I've always wondered...who exactly comes up with these definitions? And who is "normal" anyhow? My favorite painter is Vincent VanGogh. Not only is a talented artist, but he struggled with bipolar illness. He was born in 1853 and was unknown for most of his life. He did some crazy things, by some people's standards, but all the while he was busy creating beautiful work. Shortly before his death, he spent some time in an asylum, where he painted my favorite work of all...the Wheat Field With Cypresses. If you notice everything seems to be leaning to the left with the exception of the one large cypress tree. It is standing straight and tall. I'm sure many interpretations have been made about this, but here's mine. I believe he felt very alone. Possibly very different from those around him. However, who's to say that he is not normal? Who's to say that society as a whole is not abnormal? I've never really cared for those words, as they are so relative. Mike, on his trip to London, purchased a necklace for me. It has a beautiful charm of a cypress tree hanging proudly from it. I believe I am that cypress tree from the painting. No matter what, I am going to remain standing straight and tall, even if I may be considered abnormal...by the dictionary's definition.

Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.
1 Corinthians 12:27

Sometimes I Wonder...

1. Where I would be without the love and encouragement from my Savior?

2. How such smart, wonderful and loving kids could come from such a simpleton like me.

3. How some people can call themselves your friends and then disappear when the going gets rough and you need them the most.

4. What happened to the easy days of my youth when there were no bills to pay and I could sleep as long as I wanted?

5. How such little people make you smile or cry at the drop of hat?

6. How one twin decided one day they wanted to use the potty while the other twin has zero interest. Twin #2 just enjoys cheering #1 on!

7. Why I am completely wiped out at the end of the day while my husband can somehow work all day and some how find it in him to press on? Whew....

8. Why I am so emotional.

9. Why I feel the need to take on more tasks the moment I feel overwhelmed.

10. Why I poke fun at Mike for being the Disney Land Dad...when I secretly wish I could be as cool as him.

Live Free or Die!

I've never really believed Mike when he told me there's no place quite like New Hampshire until I visited here for the first time. That's all it took...one time. The weather is so crisp and everything is so clean and beautiful. If it weren't for the hardcore winters and leaving my parents (I know, I know I'm a wimp) I might actually consider moving up here. The point I'm getting at is that the exhilaration of crossing state lines were magnificent! The kids were cheering! Mike and I were smiling...truly it was just like a chick flick! Since we haven't done anything yet, I decided to use some photos off line of some memorable things from the past.

This gorgeous place is called Giuseppe's. It is the first nice place Mike took me out to eat here in town. They actually have a gentleman who plays the piano all evening long. It's so romantic. Someone, please pass me a tissue.
Meredith, New Hampshire is known for many things, but one of which is the beautiful Lake Winnipesaukee. One afternoon Mike and I went for a run (I came close to death due to all the hills) and he somehow convinced me to take a dip in the Lake. We were fully clothed, but he promised me I hadn't fully lived until I'd jumped in the cool lake after being sweaty from a run. So in I went. Okay...the water wasn't cool, it was stinkin COLD!!! But he was right about one thing, I felt alive that day! My senses were definitely all wide awake. It was amazing and I can't wait to do it again! So that's about it for now. We have lots of livin to do and plenty of time to do it in! In case I haven't mentioned how thankful I am for my family and this time I have to lavish them with love, I am. I am so happy to be right here, right now...I'm grateful to be alive.

Words From A Recovering Hypocrite...

I often wonder what I look like through my children's eyes. I know sometimes I resemble Betty Crocker. Other times I may look like Mr. Clean, minus the bald head, and I know there are times I resemble one big hot mess!!! However, those are not that important to me. What I really wonder is if I depict the Godly woman that I strive to portray? I teach my children to pour out your soul to God...that He is big enough to hold it all. He can handle our anger, just as he can handle our tears of joy. Our Creator is not a "fair weather friend." However, with a capital and bold "H" when it comes to me... I try to hold all my anger inside. I only want God to know/see the sweet side of me (yes, I am perfectly aware that God knows all). I only want him to hear my loving, uplifting and praising words. But wait a second...aren't I teaching my children that God is big enough for ANYTHING and EVERYTHING?

This thought occurred to me the other day while I was by myself...am I a hypocrite??? Well...errr...uhhh...yes. Yes, I have been. Whew, I can breathe now. I have officially outed myself. The truth is it wasn't until I was driving along the road pondering an awful situation that my normally "controlled" emotions got the best of me and I started shouting, "I'm so angry with you!" "I don't understand why you do the things you do!" For those of you wondering, yes I am quite sure I looked like a crazy woman to those driving around me. Am I really crazy...that's for another post. Anyhow, so there I was shouting at my Creator. I finally said my peace and then instantly felt ashamed for my lack of respect. But you know what? Immediately following my temper tantrum the song "Healing Begins" by Tenth Avenue North came on. My jaw hit the floor. It is true in the past I have been a tad hypocritical, but my teachings have not been wrong! My God is big enough to handle All emotions...even the raw and ugly ones!

Healing Begins
Tenth Avenue North

So you thought you had to keep this up

All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

The Tough Questions

I Will Praise You In This Storm

By: Casting Crowns

I was sure by now

God You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear Your whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

And every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I remember when

I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry to you

And you raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

And every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The Maker of Heaven and Earth

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes God allows things to come our way that seem so unfair. Sometimes/oftentimes, they're things we never saw coming. What do we do when we feel the rug has been pulled out from under us by the One who loves us the most? Well there it is...the question that so many of us think, but often don't admit. 'Geesh, things were going so well God, why would you allow this to happen?' or 'Why me?' or just 'Why?' It's so hard to wrap our minds around those thoughts, take them captive and own up to them. The truth is...our God is big enough to handle them. ALL of them. The bottom line is when that blasted rug is pulled, no...sometimes yanked from beneath us, those are the times our faith is tested the most. Now that we're in these new predicaments, what are we going to do? Yes, initially we're going to question, be sad, be angry, but then what? What do we do with these new situations? How do we deal with the unknown? How do we face the uncertainties that lie ahead. Believe me, I can recite the Sunday school answer of "just trust God". How can something be so simple and yet so difficult at the same time? The answer: it just is. Praising Him through the storms of life is what faith is all about. It's not easy. I struggle with it constantly. However, time and time again God has gently shown me that He indeed has a plan for me. I am so thankful for the spiritual growth that has developed within me over the years and I know that without changes that have seemed so painful I never would be where I am now. So, I will trust, that although the time has come for yet another change and again my heart may be aching...I will praise Him through these storms.

"When you go through deep waters,

I will be with you.

When you go through rivers of difficulty,

you will not drown.

When you walk through the fires of oppression,

you will not be burned up;

the flames will not consume you.

For I am the Lord, your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."

Isaiah 43: 2-3

Looking Toward The Heavens

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

Romans 8:26-27

Don't these flowers seem to be reaching as far as they can for their Maker?! I simply love this photograph. I am so thankful for a Holy Spirit who can intercede for me and speak the words that sometimes I cannot muster up the strength to.

My Fairy Tale

Another tally has been marked on the time line of our relationship. That's right, Mike and I have celebrated another year of being a couple. Wow, how time has flown by! We've had great times and we've had not so great times...but the key word in this sentence is "we". You see the truth about love is that it's a choice. It's a choice that has to be made e-v-e-r-y-d-a-y. When girls are little we are brought up reading stories like Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella and others just like them. In those fairy tale stories life is always difficult in the beginning and then it happens...the beautiful girl meets prince charming and they "live happily ever after!" I must confess that is exactly how I thought my marriage was going to be...simple. The reality is, it is anything but. Living with someone else takes work. You might be wondering why am I making the connection of marriage to a job in the midst of celebrating my anniversary? Well, here it is...all around me I'm watching families fall apart. Husbands aren't fighting for their wives...wives are giving up on their husbands...neither party want to talk to one another...children are caught in the middle. It's terrible. My heart aches for these families as I feel they are lost. I'd like to share a little of my own fairy tale and how I found my way.

I suppose you could say that when Mike and I got married we had a lot of things stacked up against us. I'm even sure there were people out there who were placing bets on how long we would make it. Well, this June 6th marked our 9th anniversary. Back to my story...not long after we were husband and wife, we went into the military, moved to Florida and already had two small children. In a small amount of time we single-handedly checked off almost every major life stressor one can have. But boy were we in love. We had each other and that was all that mattered. It was the beginning of my fairy tale. The fairy tale that I had read about all my life. Of course it didn't take long to recognize how stressful being an adult married couple was. There were bills to be paid, housework to be done, kids to be taken care of and lastly a husband to stay connected with. I stress lastly because as time went on that is where I placed Mike. I still loved him dearly, but I felt I had other things to keep up with. I can't speak for him, but I'm sure he had his own struggles. Difficult times came...I don't remember reading about those in my books! I wasn't equipped to know what to do or how to handle them. I am so thankful that God had a hand in everything, because as time went on, Mike and I rededicated our lives to Him. As we grew closer to God we also grew closer to one another. We learned how to prioritize our lives. We learned to place things in this order:

1. God

2. Each Other

3. Children

4. Everything Else

What I let get in the way of my marriage and our happiness is busyness. I was so preoccupied with doing, doing, doing that I forgot that doing doesn't get the real job done. I suppose what I'm getting at friends is that over the past 9 years of marriage I have learned that love and marriage is nothing like the fairy tales we read about when we're young...they're better. NOT perfect, because as I've often said, nothing is perfect. If we didn't have our troubles would we appreciate our triumphs? If we didn't have our failures would we appreciate our victories? I don't think so. I love Mike more today than I ever thought possible. It's a deeper, stronger, more committed love. Sure, we argue and drive each other nuts sometimes. However, I know without a shadow of a doubt that Mike Roy was groomed by God Himself to be my husband and the Father of my children. What an honor it is to choose to love him every day.

The most lovely part of this fairy tale is that it's not the end...it's merely the beginning.